Benefits of Relationships
Money is a huge conflict factor within families. Emotions and meanings associated with money are triggers that can create a conflict with an inheritance, for instance. There are also financial conflicts within the family business and who will run it, disagreements about aging parents and who will pay for their care, and even family events. Fighting over money can create devastating and long-lasting pain. Divorced parents disagree over who pays for schooling for the children or a wedding. Members of the family may feel resentment that they have not been treated fairly or forgotten.
Family-run business
Many families have a family-run business passed down to the children, who take the reins and grow the business—keeping it in the family since it’s hard to trust outsiders. Well, conflicts can arise in the family business through the siblings and spread throughout the family like wildfire, unfortunately.
In-law conflict sounds so cliche, but it starts as a defense mechanism on either side. We must remember that we are not only marrying our partner but also into our partner’s family. Those that came to your wedding will most likely be sticking around too. The issues could start from simple things, such as how to raise your children and treat your spouse, and a whole host of other opinions will swirl.
Siblings sometimes quarrel, but when there is a conflict between siblings that seem to last, there may be some underlying issues as to why they have differences. As children, siblings usually quarrel over jealousy or competition, and this fighting usually continues into their adulthood. Sadly, some intensify, which is stressful and frustrating to their parents.
Favoritism
Significant adverse long-lasting outcomes
Favoritism for one child over the other by a parent is the result of the conflict. It may be perceived, but this has lasting mental effects, creating resentment and strained relationships, and can lead to more significant adverse long-lasting outcomes.
Your parents are there to care for you from birth, and you want to return the favor by taking control of caring for their needs in their golden years. It’s a noble gesture, but everyone has an opinion. Should they stay in a family or a retirement home, there is no easy answer about what to do, and every family has different needs.
Situations vary from family to family, so there isn’t just one way to handle them. Be that as it may, for some family members who want to keep the peace and resume some normalcy, there are a few questions you should ask yourself.
Is the money that significant that if I lose it, it will change my living situation?
Is it more critical than costing me the relationship I have with my family, or
Is it the actual reason you are fighting with your family? If no money were involved, would I still have issues with them?
Apologizing
Being an adult, you must evaluate and take action to resolve the situation. The strategy to resolve any problem is to start by apologizing.
Let’s swallow our pride and be the bigger person by admitting that we are the owners of the insecurity. In turn, we hope the other parties also follow suit and apologize. Acknowledging that your behavior has been antagonistic helps drop the defenses of the other family members. When you recognize your mistakes, it opens the gates to showing compassion and caring. Let your family members know that no matter what happens, you want them in your life.
Keep the communication going and give them reasons why you need the money and why it’s been so important to you. Ask questions like why they want the money, whether it would be necessary, and why they think it would benefit their lives. It will be hard not to judge and bring up the past, but now is the time to listen and see each other on a level playing field. Listen and empathize with their reasons to understand their point of view and propose a compromise. Remembering your answers to the questions above, is the cost of the dollar amount worth the loss of your loved ones?
The common thread to helping control these and any conflict is communication.
Communicate your expectations
Communicate your expectations, be flexible, be clear, and work together. Set a time to talk that is convenient for everyone. Make an effort to make things comfortable and convenient to discuss things on a deep level. Pay for a babysitter if necessary, and talk over a meal. It takes effort to focus when you are hungry.
Plan so no one is caught off guard. Let everyone know why you are organizing a get-together. Everyone involved must acknowledge there is a problem to fix. Clarify the issue, agree that a solution is needed, and don’t place blame on any one party; instead, remain calm and work toward a solution by actively listening and collaborating. Its’ easier said than done, but it’s human nature to conflict. The beautiful thing about being an adult is that we can change things through our words and actions.