Breakups, divorces, and lost loves cause pain and heartache. They can leave you with self-doubt and discomfort over the very idea of romance and commitment. However, you do not have to stay alone forever after one of these events. It is possible to get ready to love again, create a lasting bond, and even learn how to find your soulmate. The first step focuses on you.
Love Yourself – Get the Love You Deserve
There are good reasons why romance advice frequently starts with the tip to love yourself. The idea emanates from the belief that self-acceptance and a high sense of self-worth are necessary for healthy relationships. Confidence is sexy and loving yourself makes it easier for other people to truly recognize and bond with the type of person you are.
Take a close look at past relationships. You are more likely to attract and maintain healthy bonds with others when you have self-love. You are also much less likely to attract and accept ill-treatment. You might struggle with this first tip if doubt and self-esteem issues make you continue after a natural stopping point.
Healthy, confident people set and keep boundaries that protect themselves from ill-treatment. Does that mean a bad relationship with an unkind or unsupportive person was your fault? It was not! It may take two to tango, but the blame for a breakup may lie more with one person or the other. The best way to protect yourself is to love and respect yourself first.
How do you do this?
1 – Forgive yourself for past mistakes. – Everyone makes mistakes. Instead of dwelling on the negative outcome, focus on what you learned and how it can help you grow. Then, forgive yourself and take the burden of blame off your shoulders. Forgiving yourself will make room for something new and exceptional in your mind and heart.
2 – Stop comparing yourself to others. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy!”. Today’s world is full of people sharing every aspect of their lives online. Social media feeds allow you to scroll past details, from new shoes to new loves. The first problem is that people only share the very best moments, which may not show the whole truth of their situation.
Learn to look at things from your perspective. Do not compare yourself or your life to these idealized depictions of people more interested in ‘likes’ than truth. You do not have to be thinner than that person or wealthier than the other to be worthy of a loving relationship. You should strive to be the best YOU possible.
3 – Seek out positive emotions. – It is easier to love yourself when you feel good emotionally. Replace negativity with things that make you feel better. Cultivate happiness, contentment, and confidence by trying new things or revisiting old ones you like.
4 – Get to know yourself better. – Speaking of trying new things. When you want to find love that is new and better than the ones in the past, it helps to know what you like and who you are down at the core. Understanding and knowing yourself range from finding a new hobby or activity you can share with someone to exploring belief systems and challenging biases.
5 – Accept yourself and embrace change. – Love and acceptance go hand in hand; it all comes back to knowing yourself the entire way possible. Make a conscious decision to accept who you are and where you are, and look forward to a dynamic future.
Find Your Love Language and Understand the Others
If you want to find love again, it helps to understand what that looks like to you and what other people look for when they experience love, too. These are commonly called love languages and occur naturally based on a person’s interests and values. They can help you find love with someone truly compatible with you. Also, they help strengthen a relationship because you can better communicate what you want and need and provide that for the other person.
1 – Words of affirmation – Do you frequently enjoy being told ‘I love you’? Are you warm and fuzzy when people express their thanks and appreciation? Does it make your heart sing to hear encouragement and support said out loud? Then this is your love language. Communication is always essential in a relationship, but people who want words of affirmation need meaningful thoughts and feelings shared more frequently.
2 – Quality time – Spending much time with a romantic partner is great, but some people need more attention than others: date nights, long chats over lunch, and the undivided attention rule. Keep an eye out for any clingy behavior manifesting in yourself or a partner, and understand that this love language is more about quality than quantity.
3 – Physical touch – This one seems self-explanatory. Some people need hugs, cuddles, kisses, and more to feel loved and cherished. The physical senses translate into thoughts of care and appreciation.
4 – Acts of service – People with this love language feel that actions speak louder than words. Thoughtful acts like helping out with chores, making meals, fixing something around the house, or turning down their sheets at the end of a long day are all examples.
5 – Receiving gifts – People with this love language are not greedy or gold diggers. It is not about extravagance or only dating the wealthiest people. Instead, gifts are physical tokens of appreciation that demonstrate the other person is thinking about you. Good examples include a pretty bouquet for no reason. A hot caramel latte when they know you do not have a coffeemaker at home.
When you understand which love language resonates with you, finding someone who can fulfill your needs in a relationship becomes effortless. Also, you can pay attention to what they respond to best and give them what they desire.
Do Things for YOU That Match the Type of Person You Want to Be With
Knowing yourself helps you love yourself, and trying new things can make those feelings even more robust. If you have loved before, you are undoubtedly old enough to have hobbies or interests that somehow make you happy or fulfill you. Do not wallow at home and sink into sadness or complacency over a past relationship; get out and live life again. Maybe you are still trying to figure out what you like to do. Search local activities or social groups online, sign up for a class, or go down a list of hobbies until you find something that resonates with your true self.
Some options include:
- Join a gym or take fitness classes
- Sign up for adult education courses at the local community college
- Try out a new art style or craft at a local shop
- Attend a group or community game night
- Volunteer at a local non-profit organization
How does this help you get ready for love again? First, the more you know yourself, the easier it is to find someone you will like. Of course, activities outside the home put you in contact with more potential partners. Finally, it makes sense to seek out new friends and romantic relationships with people who like the same things you do.
Trying new things, admitting you need help, and showing a willingness to learn and be vulnerable are all attractive and engaging to other people. It can also help boost your confidence levels, which always helps when it comes to finding a partner. Besides, wouldn’t you instead connect with someone who enjoys the same hobbies as you? That automatically gives you something to share and discuss.
Feel free to ask for what you want and expect common ground when finding new love. The more you participate in activities you enjoy, the more likely you will find your soulmate or at least a fun activity partner you can bond with over time.
Upgrade Yourself with an Eye on Romance
Knowing and accepting yourself are significant parts of getting ready for new love and a rewarding romantic relationship, but it does not hurt to upgrade yourself. There are several ways to do this without compromising who you are inside.
Improve Your Appearance
1 – Grooming and hygiene – Every adult should know the basics of keeping themselves clean and well-groomed, but emotional strain can lead to your not taking care of yourself as much as you should. Also, your look or habits may become outdated if you have done the same thing for years or even decades. Look into new products, invest in a new shaver or electric toothbrush, and pamper yourself with a manicure and pedicure.
2 – Improve fitness or lose weight – You do not have to have a supermodel or bodybuilder physique to be worthy of or attract love! There is no reason to change completely to fit some perceived ideal. However, getting more exercise and eating healthy foods can help you look better and contribute to physical, mental, and emotional health. Proper hydration, more nutrient-filled vegetables in your diet, and a walk or half hour at the gym also boost confidence in a big way.
3 – Consult a stylist or fashion expert – Again, there is no reason to transform yourself into someone else to attract your soulmate. In truth, that would run counter to all the other suggestions in this article. Have you had the same hairstyle for ten years? When was the last time you tried on some new fashion options? Take some time to browse fashion sites online, head out to the shops, and consider an appointment with a stylist or fashion expert for help.
Upgrade Your Interpersonal or Social Skills
Getting out and trying new activities is a great way to improve social skills and practice relating to other people more fully. However, some folks may need extra help to overcome social anxiety, shyness, or lack of confidence. Even people with high self-esteem may struggle to approach new people, ask for a date, or interact well once they have one.
Learn active listening skills—study body language clues, postures, and gestures to understand hints about interest more clearly. Give your full attention to others and ignore distractions. Stay open-minded and ask questions that draw the conversation onward.
Meditate and practice calming techniques. No one likes a hothead or someone who overreacts to perceived problems. Learning these things will help you connect with others more fully and not discount potential love matches due to a simple miscommunication.
Practice empathy. Put yourself in another person’s shoes and consider their point of view. Make sure you find a partner who does the same for you.
Take time to learn topics of interest. Avoid being boring. Finding someone you can relate to will be more challenging if you are set in your ways or have a limited list of attractions. Of course, you should not compromise your tastes, and there is no need to branch out into activities or topics you do not like. However, staying abreast of current events, exploring new ideas, and keeping an open mind are great ways to expand your social skills. When you find a potential love match, you can take an interest in what they care about, which is an essential part of a successful relationship.
Think Sexy! (Everyone Can Do It)
Most love relationships include a sexual activity of some sort. Revisit what that means to you, what you like, and what you might be open to trying in the future. Getting yourself ready for a new partnership always helps to know yourself as well as possible first.
Thinking sexy also affects how you see yourself. One can do some simple things to get into a more romantic mindset. Purchase new underwear. Treat yourself to more luxurious sheets and bedding. Swap stacks of junk mail and unfolded laundry for candles or a bouquet. Most of these are the types of things that experts recommend you do right before you bring someone home for a fun evening. However, it makes sense to do these things for yourself even before you reenter the dating world. They put your mind and heart in the right place for romance.
Commit to Communication, Generosity, and Self
Ultimately, it does not matter how your last romantic relationship ended. Look forward to a new love with your priorities in line. Remember that the essential thing in any relationship is communication. Recognize that, learn, and practice being more open and understanding when you talk to everyone you know. Communicating with effectiveness is where trying those new social activities helps, too.
Besides committing to more open and mutually beneficial communication, it also cultivates a sense of generosity. Generosity is not about giving expensive gifts or taking your date on great outings. Of course, if that is the type of thing you like to do and it aligns with your love language, there is nothing wrong with these things. However, generosity comes in many forms. Learn what you value and what other people around you do, too. Then, find ways to give your attention, time, praise, appreciation, or heart in ways that genuinely make an impact.
Above all else, commit to yourself. You are the only person you must live with and love for the rest of your life. You come first, not selfishly but in all practical ways. Make a firm decision not to settle with someone unsuitable just because you do not want to be alone anymore. Promise yourself that you will remain the self you love and feel most confident. Commit to recognizing and fulfilling your needs regardless.
Once you cement these ideas in your mind and open your heart to new possibilities, you will be ready to find love again. The relationship will be full of mutual support, appreciation, communication, and commitment this time.
When you are ready to welcome romance back into your life, one of the biggest and most pressing questions is ‘how to find love again?’ No matter how your last relationship ended, it undoubtedly left you with some negative feelings and heartache. Give yourself time to overcome those feelings and find peace before moving on. Then, follow the tips in this article to prepare for the type of bond that can last a lifetime.
People say you must love yourself before someone else will love you, which is a part of the equation. More importantly, you must welcome new opportunities to bond with the right type of person who complements your life and heart. Nothing is sure in the world of romance and love, but taking the time to nurture yourself, explore your interests, and align who you are looking for with you will help. The best love will come along and make a much sweeter rewarding life.